~ Letters to Leafy ~<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8">

Tuesday, January 28, 2003

Dearest One,
Just typed you a long entry and it got wiped out. Maybe someone up there is trying to make me give up on my foolish ramblings to you...
Van said you aren't the Ron that I knew, and that you aren't the same Ron that went to UK a year and a half back.
But I just need one chance, Ronnie, to know who you really are. I can't stand living my life wondering.
If things work out, we will both be happy cos I'll know I've found The One, and you'll be happy to be loved for who you really are.
If it doesn't, I'm sure it won't be that bad. We can still be bestest friends, can't we?
I don't even know where you are, what you are doing,.... It wasn't that I didn't want to stay in touch all this while; I guess we both knew it was a sensitive thing for Van. If you didn't know, then that is what I need to let you know now. I have been thinking about you all this while, despite the fact that I can't say for sure what I'm feeling deep inside.
If there is an angel out there reading this, please bring my fei to this website, or help me get in touch with her.
I'll be very grateful.

CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 1/28/2003 04:36:00 PM
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Saturday, January 25, 2003

Dearest Ron,
I got drunk today. Yeah threw up and all...
It was Jason's birthday thing at Siam Supper Club and ...
Maybe it was also the Long Island Tea I bought for us (him and I), but no one drank with me! I didn't even finish it. Gee.
Guess I've been restraining my alcohol intake for too long.
Wondering if I'd end up loving a lot if I've been restraining my feelings too much too.

CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 1/25/2003 10:52:00 PM
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Monday, January 20, 2003

Ronnie!
Someone used the word shmall today!
And I thought of you immediately... :]
Talked abit about you but couldn't bear to go on,
'Cos I felt nostalgic and blue.

CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 1/20/2003 03:39:00 PM
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Dearest Ronnie,
Just got reminded today of how you tried to quit fagging for me.
Remember the "no-fags day"? *smiles* You went jogging and gyming and dancing... basically trying to keep yourself busy so you won't have time to touch your fags.
It was really sweet of you, yeah, I really think so even till today.
Alright, gonna start work now.
Take care and keep warm - I know the skies there are forever so grey, but I'm sure you'll bring sunshine wherever you go...

CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 1/20/2003 01:15:00 AM
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Friday, January 17, 2003

Dear Ron-fei,
Not sure if I still have the right to call you that *points*, but it really brings me good memories...
Have been busy at work, hence I haven't been writing... Have also been trying to sort out my thoughts about people... People I like/love.
As much as it is dumb to tell you this, I just wanna let you know cos I always let you know about things that happen in my life, even the tiny stuff. Yeah... what I wanted to say was, that girl I was interested in? Well she likes some other person, so I'm in second place again. I don't really care very much, perhaps cos I know I don't love her. Not love. Oh well...
You know, I haven't seen anyone use your favourite ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ for a really long time and I haven't been using it too. 'Cos that ~ reminds me so much of you I feel sad whenever I see it. There are so many things that remind me of you, yet I don't speak of my emotions cos I'm afraid....
Sometimes I wonder if I am just blowing up the proportions of my feelings, but I really don't think so. I admit I fear to use the word "love" now, because I don't know what is the source of my concern for you... Oh well. *shrug* Doesn't really matter to you, does it?
Wondering if you've got someone to treat you right over at where you are.... I really hope so...
Just thinking, if you happen to come across this page, then we know that fate is letting our paths cross, ... again.

CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 1/17/2003 06:30:00 PM
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Saturday, January 11, 2003

Dear Ronnie,
I went clubbing at Mad Monks yesterday with Brotha Bin, and we met your Brudder Rykel (Theresa?) and my sista harmony (Sophia).Yeap they are an item. Since... long ago.
Brotha Bin was really on the verge of nervous breakdown thanks to a sudden surge of popularity - well not really, it's just that she finally found someone special after her breakup, but her ex decided to come back and ask for a reconcillation. Things are very much more complex than how I simplified it, really.
Anyway... I asked Rykel how she managed to get over you... She didn't really give me an answer... Sophia said perhaps she didnt need to, while Ryk said, "Wasn't that really long ago?" I was a little pissed at first, cos I felt as if she was belittling you. But that feeling went away quickly. I just told her it wasn't that long ago. I really don't care what the others think anymore.
I'm feeling sucky, fei. It's like here I am thinking about you, but I have doubts to ever meeting you. Also, what happens if I meet you and our feelings aren't mutual? I have so much fear that I don't know what to do with myself anymore. There is this girl I felt I had interest in, but the feeling died away very quickly when I went on my trip abroad to China/HK/Macau... It is really hard to find someone who gave me that feeling that you brought about in me... Some people are asking me to try it out, and I don't know what to do...
When will I ever see you?

CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 1/11/2003 03:17:00 PM
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Thursday, January 09, 2003

[ Still | Brian McKnight ]

Funny when you stop and think
times goes faster then you blink
nothing's ever like it was
but girl we've got a special thing
all the happiness it brings
is more than enough

I know it's hard to believe
your still the biggest part of me
all I'm living for

I still think about you
I still dream about you
I still want you
and need you by my side
I'm still mad about you
All I ever wanted was you
you're still the one

It's hard to breathe when were apart
you're like sunshine in my heart
I keep you here inside
You've been everything to me
You've been and always will be
the apple of my eye

And I know it's hard to believe
you're still the biggest part of me
all I'm living for
I still think about you
I still dream about you
I still want you
and need you by my side
I'm still mad about you
all I ever wanted was you
you're still the one

If you love me
Look into my eyes and say you do
I've been waiting all my life
For someone just like you
baby all that we've been through
girl I'm still in love with you
And I want you to know I do, I do

I still think about you
I still dream about you
I still want you
And need you by my side
I'm still mad about you
All I ever wanted was you
You're still the one
You're still the one

CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 1/09/2003 04:09:00 PM
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Tuesday, January 07, 2003

Dearest Ron,
For the last couple of weeks,
I tried looking for your one and only postcard to me,
Which said you'll pack me in your suitcase the next time you went to the UK.
I needed to find some evidence that you wanted me with you.
I failed.
The postcard is missing.
At the same time, it seems to me like I've lost you forever.
The emails are sinking into the whitelava and heading nowhere.
Where are you now?

CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 1/07/2003 04:22:00 PM
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Monday, January 06, 2003

Let Me Let Go | Faith Hill

I thought it was over, baby
We said our goodbyes
But I can't go a day without your face
Goin' through my mind

In fact, not a single minute
Passes without you in it
Your voice, your touch, memories of your love
Are with me all of the time

Let me let go, baby
Let me let go
If this is for the best
Why are you still in my heart
Are you still in my soul
Let me let go

I talked to you the other day
Looks like you make your escape
You put us behind, no matter how I try
I can't do the same

Let me let go, baby
Let me let go
It just isn't right
I've been two thousand miles
Down a dead-end road

Let me let go, darlin', won't you
I just gotta know, yeah
If this is for the best
Why are you still in my heart
Are you still in my soul
Let me let go

The lights of this strange city are shinin'
But they don't hold no fascination for me
I try to find the bright side, baby
But everywhere I look
Everywhere I turn
You're all I see

Let me, let me let go, baby, won't you
Let me let go
It just isn't right
I've been two thousand miles
Down a dead-end road

Oh, let me let go, darlin', won't you
I just gotta know
If this is for the best
Why are you still in my heart
Yeah, you're still in my soul, let me let go
Let me let go, let me let go

CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 1/06/2003 05:55:00 PM
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