Dearest Ronnie,
I didn't manage to get the song written for you out in time for Ah Zi.
I sent in Blue though, cos I think it's a pretty nice chilling song.
And it's a song you know :]
I don't know why, but I always miss you during pubbing sessions.
When I see dykes and femmes around my age,
I'll start thinking,
"Maybe that's Sam, Eve, Ju, etc... all those people who know Ron."
Makes me feel blue,
Yet I also get a tinge of that nice feeling
- that good old feeling I always get when I thought about us.
I guess I need to admit it again this time,
I'm really missing you.
CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 3/28/2003 06:46:00 PM
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Tuesday, March 25, 2003
Ruth sent me some exciting news today.
3 emails telling me who wants songs for their albums.
And guess who was on the list?
Stefanie Sun Yanzi!
Don't know if you still love her, Ronnie,
But I've always hoped that I can write a song for her to sing.
Now the opportunity is here,
Yet I don't think I'm ready for it :[
This is the chance for the combination of dreams to come true, really.
If she can sing MY song,
If she can sing a song I wrote for ~YOU~,
Now, that will be my dreams of all dreams come true.
Well, one of my main dream of all dreams.
Pray for me, Ronnie.
I'm trying not to let myself down...
CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 3/25/2003 03:59:00 AM
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Friday, March 21, 2003
Another one of those days. Dubious. Doubtful. Suspicious.
Sometimes, I remember so much of the love,
That I have forgotten completely about how you liked Rykel too.
:: Blue Eyes Blue :: Eric Clapton
I thought that you'd be loving me.
I thought you were the one who'd stay forever.
But now forever's come and gone
And I'm still here alone.
'Cause you were only playing,
You were only playing with my heart.
I was never waiting,
I was never waiting for the tears to start.
It was you who put the clouds around me.
It was you who made the tears fall down.
It was you who broke my heart in pieces.
It was you, it was you who made my blue eyes blue.
Oh, I never should have trusted you.
I thought that I'd be all you need.
In your eyes I thought I saw my heaven.
And now my heaven's gone away
And I'm out in the cold.
'Cause you had me believing,
You had me believing in a lie.
Guess I couldn't see it,
I guess I couldn't see it till I saw goodbye.
It was you who put the clouds around me.
It was you who made the tears fall down.
It was you who broke my heart in pieces.
It was you, it was you who made my blue eyes blue.
Oh, I never should have trusted you.
'Cause you were only playing,
You were only playing with my heart.
I was never waiting,
I was never waiting for the tears to start.
It was you who put the clouds around me.
It was you who made the tears fall down.
It was you who broke my heart in pieces.
It was you, it was you who made my blue eyes blue.
Oh, I never should have trusted you.
CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 3/21/2003 10:20:00 PM
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Thursday, March 20, 2003
What if.
What if McKean never clicked on Leafy ?
What if Blackjack never went back online to apologise to Quirky ?
What if Jack had gone to Mt Alvernia Hospital to visit Ronnie ?
What if Jack never told Ron to talk to other people on IRC ?
What if SP was never broken down ?
What if Ronnie didn't had a relationship with the people in UK ?
What if Jack chose to wait for Ron instead of move on with Van ?
What if there was no Rykel, or no Van, or no Jerry nor Glenda ?
What Queenie Jie didn't call for migration ?
What if many years down the road, I realise I still can't let go ?
What if after all the time that has passed, I know I still love you ?
Would we finally meet ?
What if we never meet ?
With so many what if-s,
How can my heart ever feel settled ?
CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 3/20/2003 08:13:00 AM
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Saturday, March 15, 2003
With each passing day,
There is greater certainty that no one can ever replace anyone.
There is no one who can ever really be like someone.
I'm never gonna find someone like you.
Never can, never will.
Sometimes I wonder to myself,
What if this girl I'm now talking to is you, Ron?
What if it is you, who've changed, which is why I think you two aren't alike?
These questions arise,
Because I'm afraid I never really knew you.
Van said my knowledge of you isn't the true you.
It kinda killed me.
It saddened me greatly,
And it still does when I think about it.
Perhaps,
Everything is just my own imagination.
CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 3/15/2003 06:07:00 AM
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Monday, March 10, 2003
Dearest Ronnie,
I met a person online recently.
She reminded me of you.
Perhaps because she was also afraid of being judged.
Perhaps because she had high fever a few weeks after we talked.
Perhaps because her answers to "How was your day?" was never "Fine."
But,
I know she isn't you.
I know she can't replace you.
I know I don't feel for her as much as I felt for you.
We were on the subject of Love last night,
She asked me, "What do you think love is, Jack?"
I didn't know how to answer her question.
"How do you know when you love someone, Jack?"
I could only tell her,
"There was a girl, whom I fell in love with,
Although I didn't know how she looked, how she sounded,...
I felt that I loved her,
Because I loved her for who she was."
Maybe I only loved you for what you portrayed yourself to be, Ronnie.
But perhaps, that was all you wanted.
CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 3/10/2003 03:44:00 PM
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Thursday, March 06, 2003
Dear Ron,
Sometimes, I have this feeling that you never went too far away.
Sometimes, I have this feeling that you are back here in Singapore.
But, my intuition sucks.
Hence I know that my feelings are never right,
Except when I fell in love with you.
CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 3/06/2003 04:45:00 PM
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Sunday, March 02, 2003
Listening to the Aaron Kwok album called Memorandum.
There's a song inside that goes something like
" If I can't have you this lifetime,
Perhaps it is better that we ended this way,
For you'll always remain the same in my memories."
Ron,
If not meeting you is my greatest regret,
This song shall be my greatest and only comfort.
CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 3/02/2003 05:32:00 PM
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[ PIECES OF JADE ]
>> Ramblings.
McKean met Leafy on mIRC in late June of 2001.
Leafy left for UK around August/September 2001.
Leafy left.
Leafy last sent an email to McKean in June 2002.
McKean finally left home for UK in June 2003.
But McKean has lost Leafy forever.
Leafy was the Ice-Queen, the RainbowFlag, the Fei,
the love of McKean's life.
>> Familar Blues.
You Belong To Me [Jason Wade/Vonda Shepard]
Tian Tian (Everyday) [David Tao]
Hallo [Lionel Ritchie]
When She Danced [David Foster]
You Come To My Senses [Chicago]
Xiang Ai Ni [David Huang Dawei]
Ni Ba Wo Guan Zui [David Huang Dawei]
Promise Me [Beverly Craven]
Our Story [Tension]
