~ Letters to Leafy ~<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8">

Monday, October 27, 2003

Dearest Ronnie,
I pretended Nicole was my girlfriend on The Jerk Club.
Yeap, cheap thrill. But I wonder what the response would be like.
Shall try not to come to you whenever I miss you, so I'll try not to write till November is here, alright?
Hope you are keeping warm, the temperate is dipping.

This may seem impossible, but I have to say it in case...
Do leave a note if you ever chance upon this site.

CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 10/27/2003 11:14:00 PM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Saturday, October 25, 2003

Dearest Ronnie,
Wow. I didn't know I actually typed that the day I was so pissed.
Shall leave my outburst of honesty where it is.
Today was the day we hurt V., the day I hurt both of you.
I'm sorry, but I did love both of you.
And I was blatantly honest when I told you whatever I did.

I keep liking people with bits of you in them.
I keep hoping that they will help me get over you.
But they can't.
I can't make them too.

And it sucks to the core that even up to this point of time,
Everyone is asking one question:
Other than being the person I can't seem to get over,
Who are you?

CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 10/25/2003 12:05:00 AM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thursday, October 23, 2003

You are missed very very much, Ronnie.
And when will you know that ????????

CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 10/23/2003 12:13:00 AM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

Dearest You,
Today I was watching people dance at the Candy Bar, and I wish I was watching you.

CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 10/22/2003 01:26:00 AM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sunday, October 19, 2003

Dear You,
What if you don't exist?
What if you are just formulated by someone's mind?
I'm fucking scared.

CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 10/19/2003 12:56:00 AM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Saturday, October 18, 2003

Dearest Fei...

Pardon me for using that term, for I still can't get rid of this regard for you.

Someone sent a text and it had the word hon. That is not quite the same as Hun. And that was just a figure of speech. But it was enough to evoke a kinabalu of memories. Sigh.

I miss you loads.
And I'm ashamed it takes alcohol for me to use the very exact words I've been trying to refrain from.

Will you ever come back into my life? Or must I settle for a life lesser that what ought to be, or what could have been?
I will sell my soul to the devil just to have you by my side, even if it was just for a little while.

I'm still in love with you, the queen of my heart.

CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 10/18/2003 01:52:00 AM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

Dearest Ronnie,

I told Ming my fears about moving on, or around.
I told her I was afraid that you'll return when I'm with someone else.
Ming said, "Can she not come and go as she pleases?"
Well, you didn't. That's what I told her.
I wish you would do that more though, come and go.
At least I'll still have refreshed segments with you in my life.
It is just an irrational speculation, an impossible hope, a wishful thinking on my part that you'll come back, some day, some point in time.

I know that I will very likely choose to give up the someone else, because my heart still holds you as The One, because your presence would once again have an effect on me.
I know I will not give you up a second time, for I have already done it once a little less than 2 years back, causing alot of tear shed on everyone's part.

I remember how the pain felt when V said, "You rejected Ronnie!", albeit in jest.
It must have been apparent, the frustration within me, for V was upset about my reaction, and told me,
"Face it, you just don't want to hurt anyone."

Yeah, I did not. Still do not.
At that time, I'd rather hurt myself than see either of you upset.
I had to be discreet about the emotions you generated, for you were a sensitive issue.
And now when you're no longer a sensitive issue, I have lost you completely.

I wish you'd come and go more often.
Or just come and don't ever go.

I do still have a softspot for you, and I know not how to carry on.

CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 10/15/2003 11:20:00 PM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Monday, October 13, 2003

Dearest Ronnie,
Brotha's got her Last Days, and I've got this penthousewithaseaview.
Is still ours, although you've left and you might not want this anymore, but memories of you are still here.
Everything still remains the same as when you left.

CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 10/13/2003 12:17:00 AM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sunday, October 12, 2003

Dearest You,
I feel you everyday,
In between the realms of consciousness and unconsciousness,
In between being awake and dreaming.

CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 10/12/2003 02:11:00 AM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Saturday, October 11, 2003

Dearest Ronnie,
Sometimes, I believe you are selfish, that you wouldn't meet me, that you wouldn't be my friend and help me get over you.
Sometimes, I drink too much and rattle too many things I don't really mean.

CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 10/11/2003 12:23:00 AM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thursday, October 09, 2003

Dearest Ronnie,
I wish I could speak to you, so that you can tell me what to do with myself.
And my feelings for you.

CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 10/09/2003 11:59:00 PM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hullo Ron.
*blinks*
Just registering a thought.

CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 10/09/2003 12:21:00 AM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

Dearest One,
My hands and feet went numb today from the chilly weather.
But my heart didn't.
I don't know if I'm sad or something-else-that-doesn't-have-a-word.

Here's a song that I listened to loads in times of loving you.
Did so then, still do.

I'll Cry For You
[ Europe]

I never dreamed that I could fall
But something's come over me
Now I'm sittin' starin' at the wall
Afraid for my sanity
The sound of your voice
The touch of your skin
It's hauntin' me
I'm still tryin' to come to my senses
But I can't look back
So I'm takin' my chances
I wanna give you my heart
Give you my soul
I wanna lay in your arms
Never let go
Don't wanna live my
Life without you
But I know when you're gone
Like a fire needs a spark
Like a fool in the dark
I'll cry for you

Wonderin' why I'm runnin' scared
From what I believe in
I know that love is just another word
To say what I'm feelin'
For once in my life
The future is mine
It's callin' me
I've been searchin' so long for an answer
But it's too late now
So I'm takin' my chances
I wanna give you my heart
Give you my soul
I wanna lay in your arms
Never let go
Don't wanna live my
Life without you
But I know when you're gone
Like a fire needs a spark
Like a fool in the dark
I'll cry for you
Honey I'll cry for you

CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 10/07/2003 11:31:00 PM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sunday, October 05, 2003

Dearest you,
Went to Greenwich today.
Lotsa fallen leaves.
Thought about you today.

CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 10/05/2003 02:03:00 AM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Friday, October 03, 2003

Suddenly, I'm homeless.
But I've got friends.
Yeah.
*cross fingers*

CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 10/03/2003 12:54:00 AM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

Dear Ronnie,
It is freezing today. I hope you're good.

CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 10/01/2003 11:27:00 PM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dearest One,
Talked to your brotha again today.
Bro said, once you've loved someone, you'll always love them, in some way or another.
And bro talked about the girl she liked alot alot, and a girl she loves very much.
Then bro asked if it was XJ & You for me.
I pondered over it, because I don't know if what I felt for the other girl was just alot alot of like, or was it love as well.
It was quite odd, how I have to ponder over someone I knew, in all senses of that word, and someone I've never met.

Over here, and probably the other places ruled by anglo sextants, terms like hun, love, sweetheart, etc. are so common that they lose their value. Perhaps I am just too rigid or cold. But that really makes me think that perhaps,... perhaps I was just part of a game, a tool that lost its value. Perhaps you did value me somewhere in the midst of your game, but all games have to end. And when your reality sets in, that is when you see how you've made a mistake.

Having said that, it is indeed odd how I always come back to this space, even though I told myself I shouldn't be doing this anymore.

Perhaps it is like what John Mayer says in the below:

Back To You

Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
I tried to forget you
I tried to stay away
But it's too late

Over you
I'm never over
Over you
Something about you
It's just the way you move
The way you move me

Yeah I'm so good at forgetting
And I quit every game I play
But forgive me, love
I can't turn and walk away this way

Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
I walk with your shadow
I'm sleeping in my bed
With your silhouette

Yeah Should have smiled in that picture
If it's the last that I'll see of you
It's the least that you
Could not do

Leave the light on
I'll never give up on you
Leave the light on
For me too
For me too

Back to me
I know that it comes
Back to me
Doesn't it scare you
Your will is not as strong
As it used to be

CEF registered thoughts about Ron at 10/01/2003 12:24:00 AM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~